Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The Greatest Stories I've Been Told: The Starbucks Fiasco
I've been told a lot of great stories, by many people. Some stories are humorous, some depict images of violence, but I've found each one of them amusing and I thought I'd share some of the better ones.
This first story I''l call "The Starbucks Fiasco" and it was told to me by an old co-worker by the name of Bill Sears. Bill is a great guy and artist, and he used to come into my office most every morning and tell me some great story that he knew I'd appreciate. This was mainly due to the fact that I'm a sick fuck, with just a hint of political correctness.
"NEW YORK!"...That is what Bill usually used as a nickname for me, because I am a huge Yankees fan and lived back east. "NEW YORK" he said as he entered into my office with his fedora hat and his thermos of coffee " Man, do I have a story that you of all people are going to appreciate." Bill then sat back in the little guest chair I have in my office and cracked a grin so that his white teeth separated the sea of red that was his beard, as he began his story:
" So here I am at Starbucks, same as I do every fuckin' morning to get my coffee and I get to the front of the line. This young girl asks me what I wanted and I said just fill my thermos up with a latte...So she goes to rinse my thermos out, and I stopped her before she pours the coffee in and I said Do you mind just rinsing it out one more time?....So she stops, and gives me this smart look and says all with a prissy attitude..What do you want me to do? CLEAN IT for you!?!?!!.....So I just boil over and grab my thermos out of her hand and say..And man you're gonna love this..I said NO I don't want you to CLEAN IT!!! I want you TO FUCK IT!!!!!...and here I am waving this penis shaped thermos in her face, as her mouth is open from shock, and everyone just stops in the Starbucks and stares at me...I hear the little ladies behind me whispering about what a dick I must me...So I just took off and went to Tully's to get my coffee."
Bill then took a sip from his thermos, I could tell he was pleased that he just told some barista to shove his coffee thermos up her junk. So he took another sip and continued with his story.
" So last night the wife and I have some friends over for dinner, and after dinner my wife says..Oh let's all go to Starbucks for some coffee...The same fuckin' Starbucks where I just told some chick to go fuck herself with my coffee thermos, so I say...Ummm we can't go to Starbuck's, can't we go to Tullys?....No my wife said, why can't we go to Starbucks?...So I told her the whole story and man was she pissed and scolded me like I was some fuckin 5 year old kid, she said..I want you to go down there and apologize to her, because there is no damn way I'm going to Tullys everyday!."
Bill stopped and took another sip from his thermos and I said
" So did you apologize?"
Bill looked and said " I'm drinking fuckin' Starbucks ain't I?"...He then laughed and went back to his office to work.