Friday, July 08, 2005

My Encounter With...White Trash

Had an unexpected "encounter" with the neighborhood White Trash last night on my way home from work..In fact I almost smashed into one of them with my car.

How'd it happen you ask ? Well here it is...I live in a suburb of Seattle which is pretty much yuppie-ized and filled with Microsoft money, shitty driving soccer moms, and racially diverse couples...So, how could I have an encounter with white trash in an area like that? It's quite simple actually, Seattle is a large city, but unlike the urban sprawl of Los Angeles or New York, Seattle's urban sprawl is mostly relegated to town within a 20 minute to half hour drive from the Emerald City. But you start driving outside of that "20 minute zone" and man you are in some shit kick'n parts of the state..We're talking tractor drivin' , wife beater wearin' , one tooth flossin HILLBILLYS!.

Ya see most of the surrounding area, including where I live was probably all like that, but as Bill Gates got richer more people moved, and they bring things like " bodily cleanliness " and dare we say it.." gay people "...So naturally they sort of moved out slowly, but you occasionally stumble upon a pocket of white trash, a veritable oasis of the absurd and boy did I almost run smack dab into it with the front grill of my rig.

I was driving home late last night, and I got some of our highly priced gas, thanks to those "no good AL-Quieda lovin A-Rabs" as the white trash would say, and I took one of the side streets home...Now off to the right there is an apartment complex, that I did know housed a "sleeper cell" of white trash, but they usually remain inside the confines of the complex, but last night was a different story. As I approached the complex a truck at a good rate of speed shot out of the complex, with a woman hanging onto the outside of the truck using the side view mirror and running board.

As I approached the truck STOPS SHORT sending the woman, who was dressed in a shirt and pants that was 2 sizes too small was forced off...She didn't fly or fall, but instead did the "fast, wobbly run" as if someone pushed you....My lights reflected off the bright white of her pale belly ( which flapped about because it was the only free piece of flesh that wasn't pinned down by a size medium shirt and short shorts )...So I brake a few feet from her, and I kid you not it was if they didn't see me...She just glanced, composed and went and yelled " NOW DON'T YOU GO ON LEAVIN!!!!" and ran back towards the truck.

At this point I did a parade route speed pass them, as I just watched them bicker and then as I had finally soaked it all in and got a few yards away I heard the truck tires screech, as the boyfriend took off leaving his damsel sobbing in her flip flops.


mokusa said...

God bless America! That was a good story.

J. Willis said...

Hey. To',
Sounds like inspiration for a new D.O.A. hit song, "Now Don't You Go Leavin'!"

El Snoozo said...

I'm already taking the pen to paper..If the song goes Aluminum, I'll go back and invite them nice folks to the CD release party.